VP Debate–Will Biden Raise Lycanthropy Issue with Ryan? Will He Use a Silver Bullet

The much anticipated VP debate takes place this evening with Joe Biden and Paul Ryan squaring off.  While insiders expect that much of the wrangling will center on Ryan’s budget and Romney’s controversial assertions in last week’s presidential debate,  there’s one thing that many wonder about.  For many years there has been an undercurrent of lycanthropy accusations swirling about Ryan’s feet.  A growing number of people believe that Ryan is a werewolf.  

Dr. Howard Lovecraft, noted occult expert, points out, “Ryan exhibits two physical characteristics long associated with the loup garou, a connection between his eyebrows and a widow’s peak.  It’s also significant that the debate is scheduled to avoid the next full moon on October 29th.”

Former long time Ryan campaign staffer Missy Hohenstaffel of Racine, WI says, “I worked for Mr. Ryan for many years.  I finally had to resign because I feared for my own safety.  Every 28 days, as regular as, you know, what happens with birth control pills, Mr. Ryan would stay in his office.  Lots of us heard strange noises like a wild animal or something.  I resigned when I saw strange looking men in gray jumpsuits delivering live goats and sheep to Mr. Ryan’s office.  The weird noises got louder after the deliveries.  Nobody ever saw the goats or sheep ever come out.  A day or two later, after Mr. Ryan came out of his office people from a specialized cleaning company, one of the ones that cleans up after floods and toddler birthday parties, would go into Mr. Ryan’s office and spend several hours there.  It made me very nervous.”

We haven’t been able to verify the rumors to our satisfaction, but we do think that they raise important questions that need public clarification.  We hope Mr. Biden, who’s known for his hard hitting debate style, will address this issue.   

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